I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
