I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
