Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
