He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
