: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's blow job season.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
