who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
