Dual....:-)
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
