alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
