My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
