She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My brain says no but my pants say off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
