oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
