hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
