I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
a search helicopter?!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
