this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
