My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
