If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
