just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
