You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
