oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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