she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
