Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
