I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
