Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
