I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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