I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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