Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was like eating out sand paper
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
cat food counts as protein by the way
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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