let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
