So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
