that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
where am i from again
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
