im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
