dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
