Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
