Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
