I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
