i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So vagazzling was a success
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
