i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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