Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
