Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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