Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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