you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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