oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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