Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
