watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
