Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
