i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
