bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
