you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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