happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
