Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
