Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
