then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
